Making Yourself More Likable to Others, According to Research

There isn’t enough cooperation in our divisive world, and being better liked should help people access more valuable opportunities.

Copy the person you’re with

This strategy is called mirroring, and involves subtly mimicking another person’s behaviour. When talking to someone, try copying their body language, gestures, and facial expressions.

In 1999, New York University researchers documented the “chameleon effect“, which occurs when people unconsciously mimic each other’s behaviour. That mimicry facilitates liking.

Researchers had 72 men and women work on a task with a partner. The partners (who worked for the researchers) either mimicked the other participant’s behaviour or didn’t, while researchers videotaped the interactions.

At the end of the interaction, the researchers had participants indicate how much they liked their partners.

Sure enough, participants were more likely to say that they liked their partner when their partner had been mimicking their behaviour.

Spend more time around the people you’re hoping to befriend

According to the mere-exposure effect, people tend to like other people who are familiar to them.

In one example of this phenomenon, psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh had four women pose as students in a university psychology class. Each woman showed up in class a different number of times.

When experimenters showed male students pictures of the four women, the men demonstrated a greater affinity for those women they’d seen more often in class – even though they hadn’t interacted with any of them.

[…]

Tell them a secret

Self-disclosure may be one of the best relationship-building techniques.

In a study led by researchers at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, the California Graduate School of Family Psychology, the University of California, Santa Cruz, and Arizona State University, college students were paired off and told to spend 45 minutes getting to know each other.

Experimenters provided some student pairs with a series of questions to ask, which got increasingly deep and personal.

For example, one of the intermediate questions was “How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” Other pairs were given small-talk-type questions. For example, one question was “What is your favourite holiday? Why?”

At the end of the experiment, the students who’d asked increasingly personal questions reported feeling much closer to each other than students who’d engaged in small talk.

You can try this technique on your own as you’re getting to know someone. For example, you can build up from asking easy questions (like the last movie they saw) to learning about the people who mean the most to them in life.

When you share intimate information with another person, they are more likely to feel closer to you and want to confide in you in the future.

Show that you can keep their secrets, too

Two experiments led by researchers at the University of Florida, Arizona State University, and Singapore Management University found that people place a high value on both trustworthiness and trustingness in their relationships.

Those two traits proved especially important when people were imagining their ideal friend and ideal employee.

As Suzanne Degges-White of Northern Illinois University writes on PsychologyToday.com: “Trustworthiness is comprised of several components, including honesty, dependability, and loyalty, and while each is important to successful relationships, honesty and dependability have been identified as the most vital in the realm of friendships.”

Display a sense of humour

Research from Illinois State University and California State University at Los Angeles found that, regardless of whether people were thinking about their ideal friend or romantic partner, a sense of humour was really important.

Another study from researchers at DePaul University and Illinois State University found that using humour when you’re first getting to know someone can make the person like you more.

[…]

Act like you like them

Psychologists have known for a while about a phenomenon called ‘reciprocity of liking‘: When we think someone likes us, we tend to like them as well.

In one 1959 study published in Human Relations, for example, participants were told that certain members of a group discussion would probably like them. These group members were chosen randomly by the experimenter.

After the discussion, participants indicated that the people they liked best were the ones who supposedly liked them.

More recently, researchers at the University of Waterloo and the University of Manitoba found that when we expect people to accept us, we act warmer toward them – thereby increasing the chances that they really will like us.

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Trump Regime Judges Set to Try to Worsen America for Years

The judges being appointed by the Trump regime may prove to be a substantially negative force for decades. The judiciary is too often overlooked when policy decisions are examined, and a lot of the horrible judges that have been appointed recently will lend credence to that truth in the months ahead.

If you want to know why Donald Trump’s appointments to the judiciary are so significant, have a look at these numbers.

In 2015, the US supreme court decided approximately 82 cases. In 2016, it was approximately 69. In contrast, the United States courts of appeals decided 52,000 cases in 2015 and 58,000 in 2016. The United States district courts decided 353,000 cases in 2015 and 355,000 in 2016.

While the supreme court is the court of last resort – and the one that attracts most attention – the judicial business of the United States is decided in what are called “the lower courts”. The judges appointed to these courts decide 99.9% of all cases.

Most cases never reach the supreme court. It is the so-called lower courts that play a critical role in deciding a wide range of issues. These judges have decided cases involving voting rights, contraception, privacy, sentencing, prisoner rights, gay rights, immigration, desegregation in schools and housing, employment discrimination, affirmative action, workplace rules, environmental impacts, and many others that shape US society. The impact of their decisions are felt daily by more than 300 million Americans.

This is the background needed to understand the importance of Trump’s judicial nominations during his first year in office. Much has been made of the administration’s legislative failures but Trump’s judicial appointments are calculated to have a more lasting impact on American life than many if not all of his proposed legislative initiatives.

Unlike legislation, these life-time appointments are not reversible. That is why it is so important to scrutinize who he is placing on these benches, and what impact they will have.

There are now approximately 144 vacancies in the federal courts, and Trump has already succeeded in appointing 14 judges, meaning that he began his term with more than 150 vacancies –10% of the federal judiciary.

There is a simple reason this president had so many vacancies to fill at the start of his term – it is called political obstruction. In the final year of the Obama administration, the Republican majority simply refused to confirm many of the president’s nominees.

[…]

When Obama took office, 10 of the 13 courts of appeals consisted of predominantly Republican-appointed judges. By the time he left office eight years later, only four of these courts were made up of predominantly Republican-appointed judges.

Trump and his close advisors see this as the principal reason these courts rejected his travel bans, or had earlier rejected efforts to enforce strict voter ID laws, transgender and gay rights, or to limit the availability of contraception coverage and abortion services.

If he can shift the balance of the appellate courts, he believes that he will be able to obtain more favourable rulings on all of these and other key social issues. These rulings could dramatically shape the course of American social and cultural life over the next 30 or 40 years.

As with what else the Trump/Republican government is doing to increase the plight of most people, the judicial appointments are unusually terrible. There’s a Trump judicial nominee that equates denying civil rights to African Americans to denying civil rights to aborted fetuses, and there’s another Trump nominee that supports “conversion therapy” for LGBTQ young people, for instance. That is off the spectrum of cruelly inappropriate in the modern era.

It’s possible for the Congress to remove the appointed judges, but that doesn’t have much historical precedent and it would require a really good Congress anyway. In all, it’s quite telling that the current Senate Majority Leader — a servant of Koch Industries and other grotesque major corporations — named his approval of right-wing judges his biggest “accomplishment.” Notably, the appointment of Neil Gorsuch — an obvious plagiarist — will soon probably show to have a devastating impact, as a Supreme Court case that could significantly damage public sector unions comes up.

Lots of bad news looks to continue in the near future then, but it’s important to remember that there is opportunity in every crisis.